Education to Nurture the Heart and Mind

“Why was I never taught THIS in school?” I’ve had clients young and old ask me this question. As clients gain a better understanding of their thoughts and emotions, 他们想知道为什么他们没有被教导基本的生活技能来管理他们的情绪健康.

我曾经是一名小学老师，现在是一名有执照的临床心理学家, I now have a different perspective on what our young people need to learn in the classroom. Yes, reading, writing, and math are all important, but what about education to nurture the heart and mind? Often, it is less about what we tell our young people they “should” do, 更重要的是，我们问了哪些反思性问题来帮助建立弹性.

We don’t want to further burden our classroom teachers, but perhaps it’s time to discuss a larger systemic, philosophical shift on the purpose of education. As we see anxiety and depression growing at alarming rates in our students, early intervention is imperative. Not just a one-time program or short lesson taught by a school counselor, but an ongoing, integrated practice of these skills. If parents themselves were never taught coping skills to handle anxiety or stress, how can they be expected to teach their own child? Is learning how to write 1-100 and read 30 sight words most important at age five? 我相信有一些技能可以优化我们年轻人的终身学习和社会情感成长.

我建议以下四个概念，如果在课程中实施，将有利于学生的福祉发展. Following each overview is a Teen Extension, which can be used with teens, 谁有更大的同伴压力问题需要解决，需要在日常生活中获得额外的支持. 还要注意使用反问句和开放式陈述来引发更深层次的思考和讨论.

1. Emotional Regulation. Learning to regulate emotions first entails learning to identify and recognize feelings. Most children are not taught many feeling words beyond sad, mad, and happy. Learning the names and definitions of a wider range of emotions, and then learning how to recognize signs of various emotions in their own bodies, helps children to better understand themselves when they need to self-soothe. 关于大脑的心理教育可以帮助孩子通过了解“反应大脑”和“思考大脑”的区别来进行自我调节。. 教孩子们识别自己身体上的警告信号(用人体的轮廓来画)有助于他们开始识别身体不同部位的感觉. What does it mean when their muscles become tight, or face becomes hot, is this a warning they need to begin to regulate their breath? What does your body need to do then? Perhaps they can learn about diaphragmatic breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. 当孩子们需要时间来更好地了解他们的身心发生了什么时，允许他们休息，而不是被视为“惩罚”，这一点很重要.
   
   

   Teen extension: The scope of this article limits my ability to go in depth about each technique, but teens can learn and practice body scans, progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness and meditation techniques, or guided imagery techniques. 他们也可以有机会写信给他们的老师/辅导员关于他们的愿望或需求或填写空句, “I need_____”, “I need help_______”. “Something that is hard for me to share is _____”. 理解他们的情绪意味着学习和练习把他们的情绪和想法写在纸上. 日记已经被证明可以帮助学生更连贯地观察和组织他们的想法.

2. Anxiety Management - I believe everyone needs to learn about the mood cycle and how thoughts, feelings, and actions are interconnected. These are basic cognitive-behavioral therapy techniques. Many people believe all their thoughts and feelings are 100% true when in fact, often our feelings are not facts. If someone feels unworthy or lacking, the feeling is not evidence or proof that those thoughts are true. Our thoughts affect our mood and our behavior. If I think “I’m going to fail the test”, then how will I feel emotionally? Will it make me more anxious, and what behavior might follow? Will it make my heart beat fast and make me want to avoid school? 孩子们应该了解许多不同类型的不健康的思维模式(也称为思维扭曲/认知扭曲)，这样他们就可以在不健康的心理习惯成为终身问题之前学会识别和打破它. 幼儿可以学习“焦虑霸凌者”以及挑战消极自动思维的方法. 认识到思维扭曲将帮助孩子们学会“思考他们的思维”(元认知)，这比听起来要困难得多. Many of my adult clients aren’t able to do this without ongoing practice!
   
   

   Teen Extension: Again, teens can learn to recognize what thought distortions are (i.e. all or none thinking, predicting the future, maximing) and learn to recognize these distortions in their own daily thought lives. They can learn about the anxiety cycle and anxiety triggers. 在手机上的笔记应用程序或日记上记录例子，对青少年来说是一种有效的方法，可以发现不健康的自言自语或思维扭曲，并使其成为一种监测焦虑的健康习惯. 父母也可以追踪自己的消极思维模式，并与孩子分享挑战消极思维的方法. It’s amazing to me that in my practice, I see teens that are in AP Calculus, but struggle to identify or recognize their own negative thought patterns.

3. Happiness and Well-Being - Children need to learn about positive psychology research. What is happiness and well-being? Does it mean getting really good grades, making a lot of money, being thin and fit, 拥有最新的电子游戏或名牌鞋，还是这些神话需要被打破. 学习一些被证实的寻找真正幸福的策略，绝对会提高幸福感和学习能力. Healthier kids learn better. 研究表明，通过写日记或大声说出来，可以教会孩子表达感激的力量, doing acts of kindness on a daily basis, having a sense of purpose, being mindful and present, savoring day to day experiences, 建立和联系健康的社会关系可以增加幸福感和幸福感. 也许这些策略可以整合到早上的会议中，以检查分享的善意行为或定期建立一个感恩圈.
   
   

   Teen extension: Perhaps there could be a daily practice to share daily gratitudes, kindness projects, or ongoing journal logging such activities. 也许学生们可以成立“幸福俱乐部”来促进有助于提高幸福感的活动. 与青少年进行头脑风暴，了解他们的核心价值观和优势，可以成为认识到对他们个人真正重要的东西的起点. They can then learn how to connect their values and actions.

4. Critically Analyze Social Media. 让孩子们了解社交媒体对他们的大脑和心脏的影响是至关重要的. Even as adults, 为我们的孩子做榜样，大声谈论我们决定背后的思考过程，是培养批判性思维技能的有效方法. Acknowledging to kids that it’s natural to compare ourselves to others, but at what point would it be excessive or unhealthy? 孩子们的一个练习是思考社交媒体/营销告诉他们他们“需要”什么，而另一方面, what do they really believe they “need” most in their own lives. This encourages children to reflect on their own values.
   
   

   Teen extension: So many of my teen clients have told me that Instagram makes them feel bad afterwards. 这会让他们产生FOMO(害怕错过)，让他们觉得每个人都在做比他们更有趣的事情. Questions to pose to teens. Is every Instagram model/influencer really that flawless and beautiful? Are the products and luxury goods being flaunted really necessary for happiness? Is everyone on their Snapchat really living their best life constantly? Is everyone really having more fun than them? 不断地渴望和想要描绘的生活方式是现实和健康的吗? In an era where standards of beauty are already impossible to meet, 我们的孩子需要能够识别并挑战那些经常对我们的美进行轰炸的阴险信息, wealth, success, and happiness. As with the younger children, 对于青少年来说，反思自己的价值观和优势以及社交媒体“试图推销”什么是很重要的。. Do they really need more of XYZ to find happiness?

Often it is less about the answers we give, and more about the questions we ask our young people to reflect on and to learn from. Again, 我经常想知道教育的目的是什么，教育的目的是否应该随着学生的心理健康和福祉的变化而改变? If we want our young people to be well, then shouldn’t we teach them how to be well?

Caroline C. Lee, PhD is a former public-school elementary teacher. For the past decade, she has been a licensed clinical psychologist. She is currently in private practice in Newport Beach, California where she sees children, teens, parents, and families. She received her Masters Degree in Education from Teachers College, Columbia University and a PhD in Educational Psychology from Stanford University. Caroline is passionate about the intersection between education, psychology, and the well-being of our young people. 她目前正致力于创建一个幸福和幸福的课程，她希望在小学实施, middle, and high schools.